Fat Tuesday: Hello from Maryland

Yes, I made it here to Maryland last Thursday. Paul was awesome in helping me get ready to leave home. I’d been sick all week with what I thought was my sinuses but Tracey was sick with it this weekend. Since sinus problems aren’t something you can catch then I obviously had a virus or something. She’s doing better today but I feel bad I gave her something then left her at home to deal with it.

It was rough but I’ve made it for just over a week now without sugary items.  Yay! Holly and I went to the movies on Friday while Paul watched baby Faith. I did get popcorn, a lemonade icy (lemonade is on the ok list for now) and water. That was it! We saw Prometheus by the way. It was good. It is a prequel to the Alien movies. A bit vague on some points but Holly and I had fun debating what it all meant.

On Saturday we had popcorn again while we watched Predators (the new one). Holly ate Junior Mints on the sly. I didn’t know until I started to clean up. Bad Holly! I got back at her, without meaning to, Monday night by watching Cake Boss. She doesn’t feel like she can eat sugar because of me and complained the whole time. It seems watching other people eat cake without being able to eat some yourself is hard for some people. Who knew? I averted my eyes during those scenes and tried to distract myself by talking to Holly who advised me I was crazy. Lol.

Really, I’m not into self-torture although Holly thinks I am. I just enjoy watching flour and sugar being used to make incredible works of art. Buddy was on Cake Challenge several times and I sort of followed him from that show to Cake Boss. I don’t watch all the time but it’s fun to check in and see what’s happening with him and his family.

To celebrate my sugar-free ten days, I am making strawberry shortcake today. Normally I like to use a sugar-free strawberry glaze but I haven’t been able to find any this year. I’m not happy about that. I like to use it instead of syrup on my pancakes, too. But I’ve made do with regular strawberry glaze; the whipped cream is sugar-free and the biscuits are home-made with little sugar. It’s a tasty treat that doesn’t stir up all those cravings. I’m looking forward to it.

My friend Diane sent me an email last week and with her permission, here it is in part:

Diets do not work. It is a known fact. Your body will get confused with lack of food, then when you give in and eat more, your body reacts by storing more in case of the next starving time.

Me: I know and it sucks. I wish dieting works, it would be nice just to be able to go through the whole denial thing once and be skinny forever but that’s a pipe dream for sure. The whole diet industry is only around to make money, not because they have a genuine caring for the fat to obese people they are supposed to help.

You need a lifestyle change. Try only eating food that has no preservatives/additives in them. It means you have to cook them.

Me: Lol. She’s killing me here. Talking about changing your lifestyle and actually doing it are two different things. I’ve talked about for years. But actually doing it? It’s like I said, tomorrow never comes. I do like to cook, I just hate cleaning the mess up afterward.

I remove all processed foods from my life and added fibre, fresh fruit, vegs, red and white meats, oats, etc. I prepare them at home and cook and enjoy. 

Me: I don’t eat red meat. I stopped for a lot of reasons and I keep thinking poultry’s gotta go, too. Some day it probably will. I’m working on getting more of the fibre, fruits and veggies.

You can substitute coke/soda/purchased drinks with fruit juice/veg juice/herb teas you make at home. (Think juice extractor.)

Me: I stopped drinking sodas many years ago because of kidney stones. I love fruit juices but they can be abused so I try to limit them. Herb teas have recently been added to my diet. I do like them and they do help with cravings and um, cleaning the body out. As it were. I’ve always loved to drink water and I drink six to eight glasses every day.

I even make my own bread, chocolate, and ice cream (minus the preservatives/additives).

Me: Oh, man. Diane. I’m whining here and my mouth is watering.

I have days where I only eat fruit all day. As much as I want. It is convenient when I don’t feel like cooking or am busy writing. And really tasty in summer with our wide variety of fruits.

Me: This is a good suggestion. I’m just not sure how Paul and Tracey feel about it. Maybe a chef salad for them?

Diane’s email made me realize I needed to clarify some things which is why I posted it and made comments. I’m not dieting. I am trying to change my life. It will not be easy because I have a serious control problem where sugar is concerned. I can’t just eat a little and push it away; before it’s all over I eat the whole thing if I can. For me it’s like a siren’s call that can not be ignored.

I have no idea if I’ve lost weight this week since I don’t have access to my scale. Stay tuned.

This week’s reason to lose weight: I need to get new clothes and it would be nice to get them a size or two smaller.

My goal for the next week hasn’t changed: stay off the sugary items.

Sue Santore has a great post this week and a great recipe for a breakfast smoothie. Blueberry, yum.

Peace.

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Fat Tuesday: Never-End

Most everyone has certain truths they acknowledge if not out loud then in their deepest, darkest of hearts for maybe a second or so.  Here are two of mine: tomorrow never comes and I can’t keep my mouth shut.

All my life I’ve dreamed of being skinny.  As a girl I kept thinking tomorrow I’ll start a diet then in a few months I’ll get to wear those cool new styles out this year. Nope. There was always a reason the diet wasn’t started: I was feeling bad, it was Wednesday and it needed to start on Monday to start the week right, or maybe a holiday was coming up so I wanted to wait until it was over. You know, nonsense like that.

Sometimes I did start the diet and I did lose weight. But after a while I burned out by doing stupid stuff like weighing myself several times a day. The worst part was when I became convinced I wasn’t going to eat ‘normal’ like everyone else again.  Long horrifying years flashed before my eyes. Depression set in. It is not surprising why I got discouraged only weeks into a diet.

One thing I will say is I did get to wear some cool clothes. The only problem was I didn’t enjoy them because I was too self-conscious. I didn’t think I was thin enough or at least I wasn’t in my mind. Looking back at old pictures I wonder what was wrong with me. I was fine. Today I’d be thrilled to be that size again.

Over the years I’ve missed doing things with my kids, trips to the beach, to carnivals and amusement parks, skiing, travelling, buying clothes, swimming and all kinds of things because…well, because I can’t keep my mouth closed. The reasons I find to eat are legion.

I eat because I’m happy, sad, it’s a holiday, I’m mad, it’s not a holiday, to celebrate, just because, because I’m going on a diet, because I’ve lost weight, to punish myself, to punish someone else (don’t say it cause I know), I’m hungry, stressed, nervous, bored, excited, I have a craving, I’m mad, I’m worried, I’m in pain, I’m sick and I could go on. You get the picture I’m sure.

For someone like myself it is and will always be a never-ending battle to lose weight and keep it off. I’ve been this size for a long time now, nearly thirty years. Several years ago I lost over fifty pounds only to put it back on. What has my scales groaning in protest now? I’m out of control. Since January I have gained another ten pounds.  I really, really don’t need to gain any more weight.

Last week I ate cake…the whole thing by myself. Now granted it wasn’t a big cake, just a round one layer. But still who does that? For sure healthy people don’t. A whole bag of peppermint patties was eaten in one sitting not two days later. This doesn’t count the crap in between. Even after eating all that I was still craving the stuff. I’m an addict to sugar and the products it is used in.

The peppermint patty bag along with other candy wrappers are still in the trash can beside my desk but no others have joined them since Friday. That’s how many days? Two. Don’t misunderstand me. If candy had come my way I would have ate it. It’s only by accident I haven’t. Holly brought me some fudge from the beach but forgot to give it to me; she took it home to Maryland instead.

I’ve craved sugar all day dreaming of peanut butter junky and cream filled chocolate chip cookies. But you know something? Writing this blog has helped. I’m going to make it through today, too. Thanks for the help.

Giving up sugar altogether is seriously unrealistic. The plan for now is keeping the sugar to a minimum; special occasions or even having only a single serving is the goal. Moderation is what I’m aiming for. Weight loss will come, I hope.

Tuesdays are the days I want to document my struggle with this disease, mental issue, no self-control/discipline, addiction or whatever you choose to call it. It’s a problem for me whatever the name. While I don’t expect to cure it, I would like to control it. Just that much would be nice. In fact it would be excellent.

This week’s reason to lose weight: My feet and legs are hurting worse. They have hurt for a long time now but I suspect this recent weight gain may have added some pain.

Things in my refrigerator: 2% low-fat milk, yogurt butter, 2% low-fat cheese, a carton of strawberries, a bag of carrots, all natural eggs, honey-roasted turkey lunch meat, Welch’s Sparkling grape juice, orange juice, baking soda, condiments, premium romaine salad mix, several Yoplait light yogurts of different varieties, 4% cottage cheese, apples, celery, a cucumber. There’s a few more things along those lines but I can’t remember what they are.

Do you have a weight problem? Are you doing anything to control it? What kind of diets have you tried? What is your favorite food or dessert? What’s in your refrigerator? Did you think I was going to talk about Mardi Gras? Sorry, but the title sort of fits given the subject, doesn’t it?

 

Peace.