Fat Tuesday: Comme ci, Comme ça

I made it through last week without eating sugary dessert items but there was some compulsive eating so I can’t call it an unqualified success.  Chips and the like need to be added to my list of no-no items.

However I am happy to report weight has been lost. Yayyy! About ten pounds which puts me at almost what my weight was before Christmas. I have several more pounds to go but I am pleased about this progress.

My friend Gail, and Holly’s mom-in-law, sent me this email:

Love  this Doctor!
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Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  Is this true? 

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise.  Everything wear out eventually.  Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.  Want to live longer?  Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A:  Oh no.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way.  Beer also made of grain.  Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.  If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? 

A: Can’t think of single one, sorry.  My philosophy: No pain…good!

Q:  Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A:  YOU NOT LISTENING!  Food fried in vegetable oil.  How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q
  :  Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? 
A:  Oh no!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.  You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?  

A:  You crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean!  Another vegetable!  It best feel-good food around!

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?  

A:  If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?  

A:  Hey!  ‘Round’ is shape!

Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And  remember:  
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO, what a ride!!”

AND…..

For  those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health.  It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans…

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:  Eat and drink what you like.   Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

 

Man I wish he were a real doctor and the above was true. Wouldn’t that be nice?

Goals haven’t changed from last week.

Reason for staying off sugar and changing lifestyle this week: Sugar ages you. No need to help Mother Nature out, she does the job just fine on her own.

Peace.

Do you have any diet jokes you’d like to share?

 

 

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Fat Tuesday: Never-End

Most everyone has certain truths they acknowledge if not out loud then in their deepest, darkest of hearts for maybe a second or so.  Here are two of mine: tomorrow never comes and I can’t keep my mouth shut.

All my life I’ve dreamed of being skinny.  As a girl I kept thinking tomorrow I’ll start a diet then in a few months I’ll get to wear those cool new styles out this year. Nope. There was always a reason the diet wasn’t started: I was feeling bad, it was Wednesday and it needed to start on Monday to start the week right, or maybe a holiday was coming up so I wanted to wait until it was over. You know, nonsense like that.

Sometimes I did start the diet and I did lose weight. But after a while I burned out by doing stupid stuff like weighing myself several times a day. The worst part was when I became convinced I wasn’t going to eat ‘normal’ like everyone else again.  Long horrifying years flashed before my eyes. Depression set in. It is not surprising why I got discouraged only weeks into a diet.

One thing I will say is I did get to wear some cool clothes. The only problem was I didn’t enjoy them because I was too self-conscious. I didn’t think I was thin enough or at least I wasn’t in my mind. Looking back at old pictures I wonder what was wrong with me. I was fine. Today I’d be thrilled to be that size again.

Over the years I’ve missed doing things with my kids, trips to the beach, to carnivals and amusement parks, skiing, travelling, buying clothes, swimming and all kinds of things because…well, because I can’t keep my mouth closed. The reasons I find to eat are legion.

I eat because I’m happy, sad, it’s a holiday, I’m mad, it’s not a holiday, to celebrate, just because, because I’m going on a diet, because I’ve lost weight, to punish myself, to punish someone else (don’t say it cause I know), I’m hungry, stressed, nervous, bored, excited, I have a craving, I’m mad, I’m worried, I’m in pain, I’m sick and I could go on. You get the picture I’m sure.

For someone like myself it is and will always be a never-ending battle to lose weight and keep it off. I’ve been this size for a long time now, nearly thirty years. Several years ago I lost over fifty pounds only to put it back on. What has my scales groaning in protest now? I’m out of control. Since January I have gained another ten pounds.  I really, really don’t need to gain any more weight.

Last week I ate cake…the whole thing by myself. Now granted it wasn’t a big cake, just a round one layer. But still who does that? For sure healthy people don’t. A whole bag of peppermint patties was eaten in one sitting not two days later. This doesn’t count the crap in between. Even after eating all that I was still craving the stuff. I’m an addict to sugar and the products it is used in.

The peppermint patty bag along with other candy wrappers are still in the trash can beside my desk but no others have joined them since Friday. That’s how many days? Two. Don’t misunderstand me. If candy had come my way I would have ate it. It’s only by accident I haven’t. Holly brought me some fudge from the beach but forgot to give it to me; she took it home to Maryland instead.

I’ve craved sugar all day dreaming of peanut butter junky and cream filled chocolate chip cookies. But you know something? Writing this blog has helped. I’m going to make it through today, too. Thanks for the help.

Giving up sugar altogether is seriously unrealistic. The plan for now is keeping the sugar to a minimum; special occasions or even having only a single serving is the goal. Moderation is what I’m aiming for. Weight loss will come, I hope.

Tuesdays are the days I want to document my struggle with this disease, mental issue, no self-control/discipline, addiction or whatever you choose to call it. It’s a problem for me whatever the name. While I don’t expect to cure it, I would like to control it. Just that much would be nice. In fact it would be excellent.

This week’s reason to lose weight: My feet and legs are hurting worse. They have hurt for a long time now but I suspect this recent weight gain may have added some pain.

Things in my refrigerator: 2% low-fat milk, yogurt butter, 2% low-fat cheese, a carton of strawberries, a bag of carrots, all natural eggs, honey-roasted turkey lunch meat, Welch’s Sparkling grape juice, orange juice, baking soda, condiments, premium romaine salad mix, several Yoplait light yogurts of different varieties, 4% cottage cheese, apples, celery, a cucumber. There’s a few more things along those lines but I can’t remember what they are.

Do you have a weight problem? Are you doing anything to control it? What kind of diets have you tried? What is your favorite food or dessert? What’s in your refrigerator? Did you think I was going to talk about Mardi Gras? Sorry, but the title sort of fits given the subject, doesn’t it?

 

Peace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Curio’s Past, Shhh.